at 3

for the first time,

ever since i can rmb,

i woke up at 3pm today.

i gues,

its all starting to catch up w me.

even after exams havent been gettin much sleep.

from all the errands,

doctor's appointments,

police checks, packing,

to administration stuffs, etc etc.

and of cos, catchin up w frens.

(and being addicted to prison break, doesnt really help either =p)

Only half of the notes from the past 3 yrs.

i watched kurbaan the other day,

an indian movie which was 3 hrs long.

to my surprise, it wasnt the typical bollywood movie

but more of a serious controversial one,

with a 10 min intermission.
(which i was very amused by)

then headed down to edithvale beach,

gettin dragged into the sea a couple of hours,

after gettin 4 injections in 5 mins, was just painfuL!
but it was heaps of fun, anyhus

they then decided to hv a feast by the beach,

which was jst hilarious.

our tummies definitely got a good work out from all the laughing

also metup w the srikl peeps for lunch at sawasdee,
and threw frisbee arnd at the gaol,

i then met up w colleen,

to head for kim's party.

we arrived pretty late,

but left early to go to the club.

i was dead beat by then.

and and i finally did my first aid training ytd,

was expecting it to b boring,

but it was actually very interesting,
learnt CPR and DRAPCD, among other things.

the lady who gave the class,

was a nurse, who had been through a fair bit,

and listening to the stories shes had to tell,

was really very thrilling.

however, everytime i step out nw,
i get this image in my head that sumone mite just collapse right in front of me.

maureen, a girl who was in the same session as i was,

asked, do u think u wud help out a person in need now that ure qualified?

it really got me thinking.

sayin u would, doesnt mean u actually would.

wud i be confident enuf? or wud i panic?

i really hope i wouldnt freeze.

more importantly,

i hope no one would have to need help.

well, it sure has been one hell of a week,

but as of now,
i feel like a newborn baby,

after having a very lazy sunday.

=D

of letting go

you were just a distant memory,

a fictional character in the story of my life,
an accessory to my past.

but you became real again,

when you sat across from me,

it's all real

and you will always be a part of me.

that's because,

you've changed who i am.

i dont believe in things that i used to,
ive become cynical, and independent,

and im not as naive as i used to be,

i've changed.

sometimes, i dont know whether to thank you,

or to blame you.

but now, we've said our goodbyes for good.

and all i can do is wish you well,

and leave it all behind,

and let go.

so,

as katie herzig sorts of sings it,

I want to wish you well,

I didnt watch you go,

cause i suppose i dont know how

I will remember you,

Not the way you left,

but what you knew.

Ill find my way cause you showed me how.

I want to wish you well.

you gave me this card, i stumbled across it in a box under my bed, after the longest time.

and speaking of letting go,

ive finally started sorting my clothes out,

and found myself constantly taking back clothes,

from the "giveaway/throw" pile back to the "keep" pile.

what was left of the giveaway/throw pile.

i dnt wear most of them anymore.

but,

im having trouble letting go.

dreams, grey and railway engines.

i had to say goodbye today
to one of my oldest frens in melb.

it was the first of many to come.

despite it all,
all the dramas, stories, and awkward bumps,
i think i will miss him.
i didnt think i will,
cos we ve grown apart over time,
but i was shocked myself,
when we said goodbye,
n i found myself saying,
ive gotta go, im late in meeting another fren,
simply bcos i was starting to well up
and needed an excuse to rush off.

ive always known that it was all abt to be very diff,
but it dint really hit me till friday,
when it all seemed more real,
now that im heading to canberra,
n not either canberra, sydney, or adelaide.

anyway,
ytd evening,
i decided to take a train down,
to meet a fren's newborn sister.
she s the cutest thing!
i hung arnd for awhile,
for some rnb, movie, dj heroes n uno,
it was heaps of fun.

but suddenly, the wave of emotions struck me,
when i got a call frm him hu was leaving tonite,
that life as i knew it was abt to come to an end.

i cant be alone for an evening without getting depressed.
how am i going to survive the first week or month,
or however long it takes for me to adapt.

maybe im being overly melodramatic.
ive been told that i tend to get overly emotional when things change.
and also that i am a drama queen.
well, i hope so.
maybe it ll be better than i can ever imagine it to be.

gahhhhh.
sorry im rambling again,
im bored.

splashes of paint

was sortin some of my stuffs,

and i came across some things that ive totally forgotten about.

i found my old book in which i used to paint,


when i had a lot of things on my mind.

dont think it ll be very practical for me to lug it home,


along with a gazillion other things ive got.


but i feel kinda sad abt throwing them away too.

these are a couple i painted tonight,

cos i got a lil bored of the packing and sorting.

so ive decided to take sum photos of it,

so that ill still sorta hav it.

and post them up here.

its no picasso,

nowhere near it,

just random splashes of paint,

that never fails to take my mind off things.

and so, here they are.

of nothingness.

its only been a couple of days,
and im losing my mind!

yea, its fun catchin up w frens,
hitting a couple of ping pong balls,
but, sth's missing.
maybe the sense of purpose.

so i decided to start packing.

but for some reason,
i jst had to choose the hottest day of the week to do it.
u can only imagine
how cranky i was.

but it has nevertheless,
been the most productive day of the 3,
omg, it feels much much longer than that!
but there's still more to do.

im regretting all those shopping trips,
cos it sure is biting me back.
4 yrs is too long a time.

n i really really hope sydney replies soon,
cos there s so much to do,
but i can only do them once everyth s confirmed,
but it looks like, i might nt even go to usyd,
even if i was offered a place.
complicated.
sucks.
but that s reality.

and i should be grateful,
that i got accepted in any uni at all.
n dat my family has been really supportive in every way possible.
regardless.

annie says

you gotta hang until tomorrow,

cos you're only a day away.

look ahead.

so i was watchin the news,
and apparently they ve discovered water on the moon.

i was just wondering,
what are they trying to get at?
what if life can occur there?
they ll find more microorganisms,
for students like us to study?

and what if life can exist on the moon?
will planets be the new country?
will they build apartments,
shopping malls and highways?
will we be taking a flight to mars instead of across the ocean?

it's pretty scary if u think about it,
but hey,
i wont b surprised if it really does happen.

turn it up

so what do u do,
when ure tired, stressed out,
but cant sleep nor do anyth else that matters.

well,
turn the music up, sing out loud, and dance ur hearts out.
it's liberating and refreshing,
n that i did,
was probably the most exercise ive gotten since swotvac!

but when u hear a knock on the door,
open up n say "oops, sorry."
and then ask,
"do u hv exams too? r u stressed?
care for a little stress relief?"
n get them to join u.

boy,
it was double the fun!
to just not care,
to sing n jump,
with a couple whom i dnt kno,
except for the occassional bumps in the lifts,
or as i open the door.
to not care of what a fool im makin out of myself.
or what fools they were makin fool out of themselves.

from single ladies,
to follow me,
right down to bear necessities.
we danced our troubles away.

ps: kw, ive got a new way to meet the neighbors,
maybe that s what 203 was tryin to do,
except that he forgets to open the door. =p =p

pps: try it, u know u want to.

meeps.

really hopes that it's simply because this tired mind has been overworked,
n not becos everyth went in just to go right out again.

i dnt think ive ever felt this nervous for an exam in a very long time
prob since gamsat.
but well, that was gamsat.

i hope it all comes back to me.
pretty pretty please,
the first one was bad enough.

thank u wonka, for red skins.

blissfully blessed

it's at times like these,
i am reminded of how lucky i am,
how blessed i am with the little things that makes life,
life.

so,
thank u is all i can say.

thank you to all.

knock knock

the truth is at the door,
can someone get it please?

the truth scares me.

how i wish i could just jump on the next plane home.

oh wellsss.

so,
tell me,
what's your story?

let's play.

there's this game,
which ive been playing for a very long time,
and im sure everyone has had a go at it too.
it's this little game we call friendship.

ive played this game my whole life,
and yet ive yet to figure out how it works,
what the rules are,
or even what it is!

is it to be a fren when ure needed the most,
when d road's a little bumpy,
or is it to be a fren when its all laughter and joy,
when the sky is blue and the grass is green.
or is it a little bit of both?

are we meant to tolerate the flaws?
and love them for who they are,
or are we meant to be close enough to be able to tell them of their flaws?

can we only remain frens if we see each other often enough?
or can we only remain frens if we see each other only once a year,
to not get annoyed by little things,
that eventually drive us apart.

im happy when ure happy,
and im sad when ure sad.
this statement, is such a cliche,
and cliches are cliches for a reason.
but is it really true?

if frens shud feel dat way,
wat about those hu cant help but feel miserable at the sight of ur success.
or find joy in ur misery?
are they not frens?

do u run over to be by their side,
when they re down,
or do u give them sum space,
n let them cool off,
before talkin abt it?

were the words "friends forever" meant to be an oxymoron,
like "hot ice",
filled with sarcasm,
or have i just been playing it all wrong from the start?

or is it for reasons like this?
that i compare friendship to a game,
that i just cant seem to find a clue.
n in this game, it's not fun to lose.

is it meant to be this complicated?
or are we making it harder than it's meant to be?
maybe it's all about the unspoken truth.
that its only human nature,
for us to feel the way we feel,
altho we re not supposed to.

so sumone pls hand me the manual,
or give me a hint.
there really shud b a frequently asked questions section,
or a set of rules when u google friendship,
but sadly,
there aint one.

so what do i do?
cos im just a lil confused.
and please pardon me,
if i get it wrong,
cos im still trying to figure it out.

i really wud like to believe that friends forever,
do mean exactly as it sounds.