tiddlywinks of the bubbly toes

thank you to you.
u hv no idea how long it's been since ive laughed truly that hard,
thank u for giving me hope once again,
n thank u for making me believe in myself once again.
im finally back on my feet again,
n seeing things clearly as it is,
n not as i imagine it to be.
n once again, i am myself,
for that,
i owe u the world.
thank u.
xoxo

cant wait for tmr! ;)

of a raving lunatic

make believe stories,
fantasy fairy tales,
soap opera drama,
hollywood cliches.

they are all just lies.

but why are we still surrounded by them?
why do so many feel the need for them?

why do we need to make our life sound more dramatic than it really is?
why do we need to cover up the truth?
why do we need to come up with stories that are in no way logically possible?
is it all so that,
they have sth to talk abt?
or is it js so that they feel important that sth dramatic is happening in their life?
or do they js dream to become movie producers one day?!

maybe we should all try this thing,
we call truth,
one day,
it's nt all bad.
even if it is, there s usually a reason for it.

so give it a shot,
it's pretty cool.

ooo,
and the most productive thing ive done all week,
was making the decision,
that im no longer going to be a pushover,
it's jst too painful n tiring.
bitches win, bitches get wat they want,
so hey, who's complaining? why not?

and the whole schenanigans abt karma?
it oni works for bad karma,
there s no such thing as good karma

so,
bye bye!

senselessly helpless or helplessly senseless

it is like a nightmare,
that never goes away,
be it day or night,
night or day,
it lingers around in my mind,
haunting my every waking moment,
captured in every dream i dream.

it leaves me senselessly helpless,
or rather, helplessly senseless.
what does it matter,
either way,
it is out there.

with every positive thought,
as i step into bed every night,
reassuring myself,
this will be the last of it,
telling myself as i wake up to the sunrise the next morning,
that s exactly all there will be,
with no extra baggage.

little did i realise,
how wrong i was.
with every first moment i open my eyes,
the memory of my dream that night lingers.
funny how,
often our dreams can never be remembered,
but now there hardly seems to be a line btw my dream and reality.
it is like the voice over ur shoulder,
repeating it over n over.
with its sole purpose to ensure it doesnt fade.

walking around like a zombie,
day after day a little piece of me,
no matter how hard i try to fight it,
gets eaten alive,
as i let myself be.

the world is our playground, why arent we playing in it?

i am only human,
just like any other person on the face of this earth.

can sumone put an end to all this,
or even just a pause.

im done playing this game of charades.

just take me away from it all,
even if it s jst for awhile.

too many things inside of me,
i want to jst take it out,
contain it in a bottle,
n nvr open it again.

but that s jst yet another fairytale ending,
that we all long for,
but will never attain.

the awakening

it was a bright sunny day,

as i eagerly stepped off the tram at fed square,

trying my best to hold in the excitement,

for the surprise planned for one of my closest, dearest friend.

i stepped off the tram,

and i gazed around,

for any familiar face,

until i heard a loud thud.

as i looked ahead of me,

an old lady was on the ground.

with her face facing down,

and one of her shoes off her feet.

i held my hand out to help her up,

she reached her arm out for mine,

and as i muttered the words,

"Are you alright?"

She turned to me,

and said,

"Yes, lovely"

but she obviously was not.

Blood oozed out of her forehead,

just slightly above her left eyebrow.

I reached into my bag,

only to find I dont carry tissue around.

I stood there,

speechless and aimless.

By this time,

a crowd was forming around her,

mostly stood around,

simply to feed their curiosity.

With one hand holding hers,

I just stood there silently.
As the poor lady kept saying,

I'm fine, I'm fine.

to all those who repeatedly asked her,

are you alright?

I took out my phone to dial for an ambulance,

only to realise I dont know the number.

As the crowd grew,

and more people were attending to her,

I took off.

Just like that,

I took off.

I simply let go of her hand,

and walked away.

As I sat across the tram stop,

I just watched her,

I knew she was in good hands now,

but I just walked away and sat and watched.

I was dumbfounded.

I was at a lost.

For the next 20 minutes,

I remained seated there,

watching her,

and all those brave ones,

who actually helped her,

and not walk away like I did.

as the ambulance arrived.

I sighed a long sigh of relief,

followed by a few stream of tears.

The guilt, I felt,

as that sweet dear lady,

looked into my eyes and said,

"Yes lovely"

only to be left there,

simply cos I didn't know what to do.

I have always hated and despised those hu turn up later then the agreed time,

but at that moment,

every second felt like a lifetime.

and I was just praying and hoping that

someone familiar would step off the tram soon,

simply because,

i just couldn't.

i was speechless,

i stared blankly into space.

n i was owh so very thankful when my phone rang,

n saw kw's blue jacket.

i will nvr forget you, my dear lady.

please forgive me.

i had every intention of helping you.

i really did.

but i panicked

and i didnt kno how.

i am sorry for just walking away.

i am sorry for not being there to just hold ur hand for just a lil bit longer.

i am so very truly sorry.

didn't ur mum ever teach u manners?

some common courtesy lesson people:

1. u dont msg at 2 saying ure late, when ure supposed to meet at 2! some ppl do actually care and worry abt being late, n when d clock ticks close to 2, we rush n run js so that we can make it in time. if ure not on the way, close to 2, u kno ure not gona b on time, u let others kno then, not at 2, so that others dont hav to rush their way and then sit there and jst wait for u, while u dilly dally n linger arnd. otha ppl hav lives to, n hav no time to js sit arnd waiting for u!

2. u dont ask people for ur resumes. u dont say hi, how r u , n b4 u can say hi bk, u dont say can i hav a look at ur resume and email??? if the person ure askin from makes a lame ass excuse, u dnt say can i photocopy it from u on monday, u take the hint n f*** off! internet s there for general use, it's not oni for games, or porn, or facebook. hav u heard a lil sth called GOOGLE! ppl put in lots n lots of effort into a resume, n its sth very personal, u dnt js ask it off someone, n js change the name n submit!! im not a genius, in fact im not even smart, i walk into poles more often than any other dumb person. so if i can do it, y cant u ? well, it's simply cos ure tooo f***ing lazy to get off ur butts and do sth that actually matter!

3. when life doesnt turn out the way u wan it to be, cry! weep! get angry!!! but u dnt bring the whole world down with u. u dont get angry and scold n tell the person hu u asked for help to f*** off. i took time off to help u, cos i was concerned, altho ive got so much on my mind these days, i havent had time to sleeep! but still i ran dwn there when u needed me, jst so that u cud kick me out. the nxt time, i got a call from u, gues wat, ooopss im busy!

one way ticket

it feels like 4am,
if it wasnt for the sun.

i've been awake,
n i dint even realise the time,
til the sun rose.
it still feels like 4am,
cos im so dazed.

received my one way ticket for my exam.
which can only mean one thing,
the exam is very very soon.
the ticket says to be at melbourne park function hall at 8.15am.
8.15 am???
it's going to take me at least half an hour simply to get there.
looks like, i have to wake up at 6am,
to sit for my 6 hrs exam,
looks like im gona need 6 bottles of "V"
to survive the day.

so ive been reading a lot,
ive ran out of questions to practice on,
n my brain is js too saturated to study anymore sciences.
so i decided to catch up on wat s goin on in the world.

time, new scientist, newsweek, herald sun,new internationalist, wikipedia,
article after article i read,
as i have to squint my already hard to open eyes,
to read the very tiny prints these magazines chose,
god knows why.

the more i read,
the more i realise,
how ignorant ive been all this while.

it came to my realisation that,
yea, i do watch the news every evening,
where they talk yet once again about the weather,
all the juicy hollywood gossip,
accidents occuring around melbourne.
but i havent really been paying much attention to what is really going on in the world.

altho i'm really tired,
n js want to spend a whole day not doin anyth,
without having to worry about how much work ive got left to do,
i actually enjoy reading these articles,
cos im learning so much.
if everyth else fails,
at least ive bcum much more aware of the current affairs rite now.

so, did u know:
In Japan, Shudo (衆道 shudō), the Japanese tradition of age-structured homosexuality was prevalent in samurai society from the medieval period until the end of the 19th century.


In 1997, People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) filmed staff inside Huntingdon Life Sciences (HLS) in the UK, Europe's largest animal-testing facility, hitting puppies, shouting at them, and simulating sex acts while taking blood samples.

The U.S. is currently the greenest nation in the world, despite talks of how they are the main cause of deterioration in environment, especially California

Capital punishment and abortion is legal in Islam

A couple of parents who have just lost their child to cancer, wants to use the sperm the son had donated, and into a surrogate mother, just so that they can have a grandchild.

Facebook has been condemned to be a waste of time, and reduces productivity in the workforce among many other negative traits. Facebook fanatics have opposed to those condemnations, by creating a group against people who are against Facebook.

In China, parents send their children to boot camp for Internet addiction for at least two months.

While I drown myself in words, facts n numbers,
the only thing keeping me awake and alive,
is the fact that we ll b havin breakfast at mart today!!
weeee....

tears are words the heart cant express

i have to disagree with elton john,
when he melodiously muttered the words,
sorry seems to be the hardest word.

sometimes we need to hold our head high,
blink back the tears
and just say goodbye,
which is in my opinion,
the hardest word among million others in the dictionary.

ive lost one too many people,
especially since i began a whole new life here in melbourne.
as i think back on the days,
n looked once again at the photos taken,
altho only two, three years back,
feels as if it was a whole other life.
as i reminisce,
n smile as flashes of our past memories appear in my mind,
i cant help but feel sad.

year after year,
as time passes,
things change.
even if u dnt want them to,
there are things,
that are js way beyond our control.
sometimes we drift apart for no known reason,
sometimes we are separated by geography,
sometimes the things said,
r jst too painful,
to the extent that all hope is lost in rekindling our friendship.

since then,
new bonds have been formed,
new words have been spoken,
new experiences have been experienced,
and new memories have been engraved in my mind.

much has changed,
n i am content with my life.
altho, ive lost some, ive made awesomely wonderful,
n i kno,
true friends,
whom, hopefully ill nvr have to say that one awfully painful word to.
n i thank u all from the bottom of my heart,
i cant even imagine,
how id survive without.

however,
i cant afford to lose another friend.
not you.

emotional rwanda

uve really made me wonder,
especially since u weren't the first to say it.

altho,
recently being let go for being emotionally unavailable
and being told that my essays do not express enough emotions,
n i ought to search for my own emotional rwanda,
u hav no right to say what u did.

i weep like a baby when i watch a movie, with a sad ending,
i cry tears of joy when i see the one i love receiving good news,
i get irritated when the people in front of me walks too slow,
i am scared at how uncertain my life is.
n im terrified about how fast time passes,
i love getting calls from friends n family,
i adore pretty little things,
i am content with the simplest things in life,
i am satisfied with js a good book by the park, holding a cup of latte on the otha hand.
i am disgusted when people don't practice hygiene.
i get disappointed if sth ive been lookin forward to gets cancelled,
i get annoyed if ppl arent on time,
i am surprised n shocked to see how much my lil bro hav grown everytime i go bk.
i miss home n my family so much, altho i dnt show it or tell them that often.
i envy those who can say no without feeling guilty like i do,
i am shy when im in a room full of ppl i dnt kno n left alone,
i get nervous when i have to speak in front of a whole room of ppl.
i am happy when my food has arrived.
i have hope that no matter how bad things get, it will only get better

i get amused by cool little gadgets i have no clue hw to use,

i despise how some ppl can be so neglectful of their child and irresponsible,

i sympathise those who sleep out in the cold, with only a few sheets of raggety old cloth.

i feel a sense of relief when i find my keys after rummaging thru my bag,

i laugh when i want to,

and today,

thanks to you,

ive learnt that i am capable of getting angry,
speak of the irony.

so dont u freaking dare say that i am devoid of sentiment,
cos i do have feelings.
sometimes i dnt show it,
n sometimes i hide it behind my smiles n laughter,
but i am only human.

halaka ukelele

are the only two words,
in my mind rite now.

for once,
after a very long time,
i was able to really truly enjoy myself,
without the nagging feeling of having to study,
(well, i stil do, but.... worry later)
or the fact that i messed up my samples,
or the thought of anything that is too emotionally draining.

it has been a very gud weekend.

weekend kicked off,
by havin dinner w kw at minang,
n later, audrey joined us for a movie.
"he s jst nt that into u"
sadly, d tix ran out again!
(same thing happened exactly last fri to us)
so we ended up at brenner.
had a nice talk, few laughs.
it was nice.

did quite a fair bit of studying on sat,
n met up w sonika, puri, shree n dinusha,
after 3 MONTHS!
it's js been toooooooooooooooo long,
n im really glad that they re bk!
had a gud time catching up,
accompanied by one too many drinks...
woopssss....

there were more to catch up on,
but i had to rush to central to meet the guys,
for sum reason our bookin was cancelled
so we ended up in red silk instead.
i gues,
it really doesnt matter where we are,
or what we eat,
as long as there s good company,
it's all worth it.

ooo thank u for helping me w d trifles,
othawise it wud hv taken me d whole nite!!!
;)
when we were done w d trifles,
i tot of doin sum studyin,
until i got a call, frm my dear dear fren, saying she's bak!!!
so that means more catching up to do,
hence anotha sleepless night!!

i managed to get a couple of hrs nap b4 i had to get ready for d trip to d beach!

it was FUN!
altho it was crazy ass cold,
n we had not much proper food,
n HEAPS of junk food!
but like i said earlier,
it doesnt really matter,
well, to me, anyways.

with a whole lot of burying,
n camwhoring,
failed attempts at pushing people into the water,
a giant sandcastle,
n a great big bunch of the lovelies,
what can i say,
but thank u all for d wonderful great day out
n i hope all of u had as much fun as i did!

ooo n dinner at richmond oysters aka mushira's seafood place!
im sorry u guys for making u all walk one whole station!!!
i swear to god, its rite opposite the station,
but apparently we stopped at the wrong station.
wooooooooooooooooooooooopsss... my bad!!!
we had really gud food,
n mannnnnnnnny laughs,
mostly directed at kelvin!! keke...
it was really really nice.
thank u once again u guys.
love u allll to bits n pieces.

im actually lookin forward to uni today,
i shud get ready,
so that means ttfn!