senselessly helpless or helplessly senseless

it is like a nightmare,
that never goes away,
be it day or night,
night or day,
it lingers around in my mind,
haunting my every waking moment,
captured in every dream i dream.

it leaves me senselessly helpless,
or rather, helplessly senseless.
what does it matter,
either way,
it is out there.

with every positive thought,
as i step into bed every night,
reassuring myself,
this will be the last of it,
telling myself as i wake up to the sunrise the next morning,
that s exactly all there will be,
with no extra baggage.

little did i realise,
how wrong i was.
with every first moment i open my eyes,
the memory of my dream that night lingers.
funny how,
often our dreams can never be remembered,
but now there hardly seems to be a line btw my dream and reality.
it is like the voice over ur shoulder,
repeating it over n over.
with its sole purpose to ensure it doesnt fade.

walking around like a zombie,
day after day a little piece of me,
no matter how hard i try to fight it,
gets eaten alive,
as i let myself be.