simply because

as human beings,

it is only in our nature

to be searching for answers,

and often we expect to hear the most dramatic or bizarre explanations,

and we dont, we refuse to believe it.

but sometimes,

the answer is,

simply because....

this week,

i managed to get off work,

simply because it's too hot.

well, it makes sense,

cos hw can anyone possible concentrate under such conditions.

its an average of 43 degrees,

the air con isnt working,

n ive js realised that there r hardly any trees in the city of melb,

when im always trying to walk under the shade.

i think ive gotten so much darker since ive been bak,

n its oni a month,

n i think ive gotten 3 tones darker!

owh well...

the break's been good,

a much needed one.

time to catch up n really concentrate on my gamsat.

last nite,

al n i headed off to st kilda,

in search of the st kilda nite market.

it was a very interesting journey.

we waited about almost an hr for the direct tram to st kilda,

n we dint realise it,

till i looked at my watch, n realised its alredi 8.

so we decided to js take d tram frm bourke.

n as usual,

living in melb,

there were many quirky ppl on the tram.

it was js so distracting,

i cudnt really hear wat al was saying most of the time,

so i do wat i do best,

nod along.

well, i gues that's one of the many things uve got to love abt melb.

sorry al!! =p

so when we got there,

we walked and talked along d beach,

hoping to bump into the market sumwhere,

but as we reached the end of it,

it was alredi 10.3o n neither of us hav had dinner.

so we decided to grap sth to eat.

afta anotha endless walk looking for a place to eat in st kilda,

we js decided to go to universal.

on the tram bk,

i saw a brochure of the nite market,

n to our dismay,

it was at the tiny bit of d beach we didnt walk to.

blEH! js our luck!

but it was fun n relaxing anyways,

so it was all good.

n as for today,

as part of my routine,

i went to d lib dis morn,

but it was js too hot, n i was having a massive headache.

afta spending half an hr there,

i decided to js go home, n turn on my air con,

which i then rmb, its remote has ran out of battery.

so i made my way to d union pharmacy to get a pair,

oni to cum bk to find out that it was d wrong sizE!

so i had to go bak ,

omg, it felt like i was walking in the desert,

or even WORSE!
(well, nvr walked at a desert b4, so yea)

thankfully, d lady was nice enuf to exchange it.

so here i am,

thinkin abt my days,

feeling happy and content,

simply because,

ive got my air con on.

;)

the differences among us

are we all really any different?

are we who we think we are?

or are we jst trying a little bit too hard to fit in?

bumping into jeremy at boost after a very good game of tennis ytd,

made me think a lil bit more abt the differences among us.

as humans we are all looking to belong,

but it comes in different forms for each.

it amazed me how jeremy was so happy in his own little world of WAW,

n the first thing that crossed my mind was,

maybe he's jst lonely.

but as our conversations progressed,

i realised, he wasn't lonely,

he was happy.

he's found his passion in life.

he's found a place where he belonged.

unlike me,

i have yet to find the one thing that i'm willing to fight for,

the one thing im so passionate about that i will pursue it for the rest of my life,

the one thing that i can teach others about.

heck, it'll b years before i find sth im passionate abt,

i cant even commit to a hobby for more than a month!!!

well,

to each their own.

the (very dramatic, eventful) week in recap:

at work,

after having a very heated confrontation with my super,

i came bak the next day,

over a cup of coffee,

we had a very nice, surprisingly pleasant talk.

ever since,

it has never been better

and i actually look forward to work now.

i never realised hw interesting it was,

cos i was too busy hating her guts.

following the coffee talk,

she broke the news to me.

we have 13 mice!

well, that's great! the whole 2 weeks, we havent been able to do anyth cos there were no mice.

i was excited! things were looking up,

until....

mushira, here's wat u do.

press down on its neck to break its spine,

then cut its head at the neck so that we can take the brain out,

n cut a lil bit of its tail for genotyping.

so, my whole friday,

i broke, n chopped, 1 day old mice....

(al in d name of science)

speak of bad karma....

on the bright side,

a trip to rod laver on thurs was spectacular,

the game btw venus and carla "curly" navarro was to-die-for!!!

with interesting people cheering the players on,

and wonderful company,

the australian open was a true experience

filled with laughter and ooohhhsss and ahhhssss....

watched bride wars,

just to unwind from all d studying.

n ytd was cny eve,

had dinner w my dear, dear fren,

where i cooked my delicious fried rice,

n we headed out, in search of the lion dance,

cos we heard the drums when we were having dinner,

as we failed,

we continued walkin down swanston,

passing by buskers, who were soooo amazing,

i dnt think ive walked by buskers sooo good before in my 3 yrs ive been here,

somehow, we ended up at fed square,

where there were so many ppl seated in front of the wide screen,

they were showing d aus open,

n it was a match btw d aus gal n sum other,

so u can oni imagine the tension.

owh yea, there was also a really interesting, quirky, australian music band,

singing about rising interest rates, poop n environment....

go figure!

it's gettin a lil long now.

tata!

black roses

even the luscious red roses had turn into ashes,
as the sun blazes on this hot, summer day.

back frm work,

n for d first time,

ive decided to try to study at home,

cos it's too hot n i cant b stuffed walkin al d way dwn to d city.

the weekend was wonderful.

after a productive, satisfying day in d state lib,

i headed right across to melb central to meet jian shen.

we talked for quite a bit,

various, very interesting topics came up.

really made me wonder.

are we all helpless and ignorant when it comes to change?

are we who we really think we are?

what can we expect for ourselves in the future?

but one thing that I realise after one of our many conversations,

was that,

im probably more full of hatred than I let myself believe.

a very interesting, sensitive fella.

after 4 hrs of deep, emotional talk,
we watched a brainless but really fun movie.
yes, man.

well, it wasnt totally brainless,

it did hav a very good point,

which also got me thinking.

maybe i hav too much free time.

or actually,

im using my time not for what im supposed to be doing.

owh wellsss....

a very funny movie,

work today was soooo much better,
altho i still felt the 'im angry n pissed' vibe frm elena this morn.
afta being very, very careful n payin absolutely full attention to my work,
rather than singing in my head,
today's experiment turned out really well.
even with the stuff-ups, we jst laughed it out.
n we've all established, one very true, non-arguable fact,
i am a very clumsy girl.

what's life if you cant learn to laugh at yourself.

it looks like, the roses will be blooming from now on in.

smiles.

as the sun rises

so yesterday i was let off from work early.

meeps!

somehow rather, i had used the pipette wrongly,

and caused the whole experiment to be ruined.

bummer.

it was the first ever experiment she allowed me to do,

n i had to go n screw it up!

i felt soooo bad,

i cudnt stop saying sorry.

cos boyyyyyy,, she was MADDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!

all d nasty words, came flying off her mouth,

but after she took a walk, 7 flights of stairs down,

while I took d lift,

she cooled off and told me I could go after I've done my report.

I felt horrible!!

n d most ironic thing was, she had js told me hw expensive d enzymes were,

n i had js wasted abt half of it!!!

thank god nathan was there,

he talked to me, and made me feel so much better.

the ppl in the lab r soooo nice, im sooooo lucky!

oooo,

the morning started off with kay, another colleague,

chopping a 40 day old mice.

she literally CHOPPED it!!!!

OMG, i couldnt help but shriek!

attracting even more attention frm the others,

n embarassed myself once again.

i couldnt help it, it was soooo cute!!!

n she js chopped it right offffffff,

her hands were trembling tho.

owh well, in the name of science.

after work,

i went for the familiarisation class for the gym,

boy, was that 30 bucks down the drain.

as for today,

i cudnt hv wished for a better weekend after the week ive had!

was off to state lib in d morn, to do a llil bit of studying ,

then played tennis w al n tasha,

followed by drinks, and heaps of interesting conversations n laughter.

it was all good.

after a quick shower,

i was off to meet lu xian.

talked over a cup of coffee, after god knos hw many months,

n then over to ian's to play rock band.

boy, that's the coolest game everrrrrrrrrr....

apart frm lu xian trying to sing sum freakish rock song,

i cudnt understand any of the words.

so i laughed!

a day well spent with my dear friends, filled with nothing but fun n laughter.

aimply all that i could wish for.

truly smile

have u ever had those days,

where nothing seems right,

and the world seems to be falling apart,

have u ever had those nights,

thinking u'll never be able to sleep tight,

as it feels like uve been stabbed right in the heart,

wishing it all to be jst anotha bad dream.

the past week,

that's exactly how i felt,

i felt, like i have nothing,

work was not what i expected it to be,

im still so far behind in my studies,

when the date of the test isnt.

the homesickness ive never had before in the past three years,

is just so overwhelming,

i was lost,

n i had no one to turn to.

but when i woke up this morning,

things were different.

I woke up,

feeling like today s a brand new day,

im a brand new person,

n all my worries were gone,

as if it was never there in the first place.

energised, n rejuvenated,

i was,

me again.

went to work with a great big smile,

instead of the long frown on my face,

with cheerful good mornings from my colleagues,

i knew it was going to be a good day.

a good start at work,

as I learnt how to run gels.

Altho, after lunch,

my super made me read the manuals,

as she was busy with her own stuf,

only to be laughed at by sebastian,

n my super prob heard,

considering she was right next to me.

since then,

things have nvr been better.

she lets me do stuff now,

she s beginning to trust me,

and work is jst like hw i thought it wud be,

in fact,

even better.

i guess, sebastian,

i owe u another great big thanks.

as for the test ,

i gues the only thing i can do,

is to study,

rather than wasting time thinking about it.

as for my homesickness, n loneliness,

i was dead wrong,

i hav evryth i need,

n everyone i love,

right by my side.

thank you my dear,

u're a real true fren,

n i will nvr forget that.

as i woke up this morning,

i smiled.

and as i go to bed tonight,

i can now,

truly smile.

It is a lie

as I look out the window,

I see your shadow that was once there,

I saw your smile as you looked up,

as you passed by,
I cant help but grin,

but now,

all I see is the emptiness in my heart.

you used to yell out my name,

as you stopped by everytime,

and yet I doubted you,

I doubted the love we had,

and I made a lie to set you free,

a lie I made to myself,

saying I dont love you anymore.

Now, all I can think of is you,

as the days go by,

in a room full of people,

Ive never felt more alone,

the love that was once there,

has been taken place by only hurt and sorrow.

It is a lie,

to say I havent been thinking of you,

when everything around screams your name,

as I try to let you go.

It is a lie,

to say I dont miss you,

cos that's the only thing that's not a lie,

I do,

miss you.

punch drunk on the boxing match called love

a line that read in a poem sitting on my supervisor's table,
as i was waiting for her to further explain or give me something to do.
a poem abt heartbreak, n how we bring it upon ourselves.
a really thought-provoking one.

so im bak in melb.
i cant bliv im bak here!
air asia was not as bad as i tot it wud be.
being back in melb in summer at this time only means one thing,
its time to work n study!!

so ill b sitting for this crazy, physically impossible exam,
GAMSAT!
6 hours, tests u on all aspects,
including literature, essay writing and all sciences we've learned since form 5.
with so much reading to do,
and so little time,
ive been spending my nights away in the library after work,
which annoyingly closes really early.

anw, abt work.
so im working jst during summer at howard florey institute,
ill b workin on a project,
that s testing the relevance of a particular gene in the search for the cause of epilepsy.
today's only my 2nd day,
nth much has happened since.
first day, was pretty much meeting ppl n safety briefings, etc.
everyone there s really nice n chilled out.
n i js realised wat a small world this is,
when i met sebastian, working in d same lab.
sebastian is my life saver!
altho ive nvr met him b4,
he borrowed me his gamsat notes thru ken.
n nw ive met him!

2nd day,
supposed to be lots of cutting up mice,
but apparently, d mice had taken the christmas off, n not bred.
the mice that we had, had diarrhoea, hence too small to dissect.
bummers...
so here i am, let off early from work.

ive gotta say,
ive been surprisingly very productive.
taken care al that needs taking care of,
completed my first essay n submitted
n i shall b goin for bodyjam later today.

apart from being a nervous wreck,
im actually very proud of myself.
smiles. =D

thank you dad n sis. love u heaps

the skies are grey

tonight is the last nite,

tonight will b the last nite in malaysia for the next year,

tonight will b the last nite ill b w my family til then end of the year,

tonight will b the last nite ill b staying in this house, ive called home my whole life,

tonight will b the last nite ill sleep in my same old bed,

and when i wake up to a brand new day tomoro,

evryth wil b different,

n there's nth i can do abt it but to get used to it.

ive nvr felt so helpless before.

am i jst being overly sensitive and emotional?

i cant help but feel this way.

as time goes by...

we can only adapt.

I never realised that it was such a hassle to shift houses,

well, i knew, but nvr knew it was so much of a hassle...

since ive been bk frm the trip,

which was btw totally awesome and simply indescribable,

been goin arnd w my family getting stuff for the hse n stuffs liddat.

gona b really interesting,

to live sumwhere else

to call sum otha place home

when ive only ever known of one my whole life.

It's really cool,

and even a nice change.

definitely goes with "brand new start for a brand new year" thing.

really overwhelming witnessing the gradual but massive changes.

speaking of changes,

i met many whom ive totally lost touch w over d past 5 yrs.

wei kiat, allison, marcus, yoke keat, pei wen, alicia, wan yie, yu ling.

after such a long time,

being able to catch up n reminisce d old times,

when we were young,

n our biggest worry was to pass the exams.

it's jst one of those things that makes u feel young again.

but also, to see now,

everyone in working clothes,

only being able to meet after working hours,

kinda made me feel old too.

but all in all,

it was a really fun nite,

with a major reality check.

got a haircut again today.

surprisingly, am very happy with it!

a very happy me... =D

Happy New Year !!!

so, one of my new year's resolution,
among many others,
was to start a blog,
n keep posting for at least a year... ;)

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

with a brand new year,
ive decided to make this year better than ever
n nth's gona stop me..
all i have to do is stay focused!

other resolutions;

learn a new skill n master it
keep fit
make things happen, n nt js talk abt it,
study smart, party hard,
among many other lil ones...

fingers crossed*