breaking news.

too many big news in just a week.

woke up to a msg frm a close fren, really early in the morning,
sayin her good fren had committed suicide.
she was devastated,
to think that the once, oh-so bubbly girl,
had chosen to end her life.
and no one had a clue.
i can only imagine.

came home, after a very long day of class, and max b w the miss,
just before dinner with the mr.
opened my email,
to find a couple of interview invitations.
adelaide in a couple of weeks
n canberra in sept.
calls for many, many paperwork,
n me going broke, after purchasing al the flight tix!
(which ive yet to do)

anyone by the name, elena, just dont seem to like me very much.
or nt at all.

with the loved ones,
listening to the same stories,
from different point of views.
with all the variations,
each w a lil twist of its own.
it gets a lil complicated.

i cant help but worry.
i worry over the littlest things.
sometimes it's ridiculuous.
but i gues,
it's just in the genes.

apart frm worrying abt stuff like whether or not ive locked d door,
or i might have forgotten to reply an email,
i mostly worry abt my future,
my frens,
my loved ones.

i gues it s cause i want the best for everyone in everything
cliche as it may sound,
i feel sad, when others are sad.
i cant help it.

but i gues, no one can ever hav the best of everyth.
cos then, there s just nth to fight for.
n i understand that.
but when u see ur loved ones hurting.
there s nth more ud wana wish for than the best for them..
altho u know, they can get thru it,
altho u know, they ll get there eventually,
all u can think of, wish for, pray for,
is the best for them.
so that they can smile truthfully,
n be happy.

if i could be granted any 3 wishes,
1. id wish for my family's happiness.
2. id wish for my fren's happiness.
3. id wish for my own happiness.

im rambling,
n talkin in circles,
cos im stressed out,
i dont know where to start.
d pile of work is just enormous.
it's not funny.
many things still yet to be done.
i just need a few minutes to clear my head.
n i like to write here,
n make no sense.
constructing sentences, that are not sentences,
many unrelated thoughts all spit out as it comes to my mind,
in no order whatsoever.
it's like talkin to myself, without being called crazy.
it's nice.

anyway,
this is all simply because,
i dreamed a little dream.

have a wonderful day in our one-way world

people dont understand people.

i can certainly vouch for that.

one.

from an article:

One song can spark a moment
One flower can wake the dream
One tree can start a forest
One bird can herald spring
One smile begins a friendship
One handclasp lifts a soul
One star can guide a ship at sea
One word can frame the
One vote can change a nation
One sunbeam lights a room
One candle wipes out darkness
One laugh will conquer gloom
One step must start each journey
One word must start a prayer
One hope will raise our spirits
One touch can show you care
One voice can speak with wisdom
One heart can know what is true
One person can make a difference in the world.

what difference have i made?
nada.

boo..

so,
since ive been told this site s gettin a lil too serious.
here s my "oh-so-interesting" week in short

monday.
classes, then the first, crazy, boring, long useless prac for phenotype.
to brighten things up,
the girl n i decided to go for dinner at oriental spoon.
n gues we were js there, talkin for hours.
abt absolutely everyth.
was nice, just like how it used to be.
supposed to buy tix for sydney,
but dint get arnd to it.

tuesday.
was in bundoora.
started of wif sum seminar,
did sum chemistry work, met more new ppl
including one post doc, hu was extremely helpful,
george, especially when he realised hw bad i was at all those stuf.
left a lil later than usual.
was pouring rain,
walked a km frm the lab to the bus stop,
missed the bus,
was soaking wet, off all the days, dint wear a hood,
nor brought an umbrella.
waited for the bus for anotha 45 mins,
got on the bus, got off the wrong stop,
had to walk to d nearest train station,
finally reached home.
wet, cold, grumpy.

wednesday.
had anotha prac.
was quick, easy n fun in fact.
wiki's definitely a gal's best fren at times like that.
off to lindt cafe with the other girl,
a little catching up,
n lots of filling her in on details of the crazy friday night out,
that she could barely rmb.
later that nite,
went out for a drive, in the guy's new car,
took me to a place with the so-called "best hot choc"
gotta admit,
for a pretty dodgy lookin place,
it was pretty damn good.
did more catching up.
got to kno d guy a lot better.
was nice n familiar.
a very good way to end the nite

thursday.
was too exhausted from all that s been goin on.
caught up w school work.
fell asleep,
missed volunteer work session,
missed dance class.
woops.
pretty uneventful day,
but very much needed one.

and friday,
woke up to a msg frm the sis,
got a txt frm d girl, saying she cant come to syd,
had only one class.
went to d lib b4 to do sum catching up,
got a call frm the uncle when i was in the lib,
got scolded frm the anal librarian for talkin on the phone at the stairs area (wth)
oh well...
hung around the lounge at med building b4 class,
met pat, just talked,
after class,
went home,
did sum reading up,
met helen,
was nice meetin up wif her again after god knos how many months,
went to koko black,
walked arnd d city,
then dinner.
came home,
watched the prestige w the fella nxt door.

n now im here.

dance class, movie n then dinner w the uncle tomoro.
n resttttttttttttt (perhaps, try to get sum studyin done) on the next day.

so there u hv it.
toodles.

a fresh outlook

so i went to have coffee wif a fren last nite,
whom ive been out of touch for awhile now.

it s always nice to know,
that no matter how long we've not spoken to each other,
let alone see one another,
that when we do,
it was as if, nothing has changed.

we can still talk like we used to,
joke around,
just be ourselves.

and of course,
like in any other conversations,
the topic of relationship was brought up.

just earlier in the day,
i was having coffee w anotha fren,
the same topic came up,
n it seems like she was in the same situation he was.

they were both unhappy being in the relationship,
but they were in one,
simply because they were too scared to hurt the other.

n i thought to myself.
is it fair?
is it fair for both of them to , reluctantly be in that relationship?
is it fair for their partners, who were led to believe that they were happy
when in fact, they just felt obliged.
n i thought,
no it's not.
prolonging it,
waiting for the 'right' time,
hoping things will change n get better.
that s a whole load of crap.

it s not wise prolonging it,
cos ure just cheating ur own feelings as well as hers,
there s nvr a right time to break up.
n u cant hope for things to get better,
when u dont want them to get better.

it's not fair to ur partners.

also,
what i realised was,
i had a fresh outlook on how the guy's minds work.
it's pretty interesting to have it the other way around.
n to look back,
with this new point of view,
everything s starting to make sense.
all my past relationships.
it's all starting to make sense.

n now that it has,
i feel liberated.
it's weird, i know.
but i feel free and i dont feel guilty.
it s nice.

it really does take two to tango,
whether u dance it gracefully,
or u keep stepping on each other s foot.
it takes two to tango.

i gues it s true wat ppl say,
try to put urself in the other person's shoes
and ull understand.

hide or ride.

change
it's inevitable.

day to night,
hot to cold,
fresh to stale,
new to old.

just like the weather,
clothes,
time,
people change just as everything else does.

im back in melbourne again,
after a month back home.
the first thought that crossed my mind,
when i stepped into the cab back to my apartment was.

everything is the same,
everything looks the same,
yet, everything feels different.

i used to say that melbourne is my home,
but somehow,
this time round, it just does not feel like.

n so i thought,
oh, its midnight, n ive just reached,
things wud b bk to normal,
once my life starts to pick up again.
n meeting anisha n jian ming on the plane helped too,
cos meant i dint hav to b alone,
for the 8 hours n d cab ride home.

but the moment i got home,
i realised,
this is the first time in 3 n a half yrs,
that i came back to my room alone,
no one waiting for me neither at the airport,
nor at home.

that was when it hit me,
it's all different.
n the series of events that followed,
just proved it right.

it wasnt pleasant,
but it happened anyway.

well, change is inevitable.
it's either we change along, and adapt,
or we get left behind.

so now my lifesstyle here has changed,
how i spend my freetime,
n whom i spend them with aren't the same no more.
im challenging myself to do things i never thought i would ever dare to,
im hanging out with those i thought never in a billion years wud i get along with,
im doing everything differently.
im stepping out of my comfort zone.

and ive got to tell u,
hell yea, it s scary not knowing wat to expect,
but the feeling u get,
of accomplishing sth u nvr dreamed of doing,
is just,
undescribable, n all worth it.

there are things in life that are way beyond our control,
things that we can never predict,
things that altho we dont like for it to happen,
will happen anyway.

but all we can do,
is to make the best of what s been thrown at us.
we can either cry n sulk,
or smile n try.

things all around us change all the time,
like everything else, happens for a reason,
to force us to change along,
to grow n learn,
to step out of the box n discover.

take that leap

tick tock.

it's only been slightly more than a week,
since i came back to melb.

but it feels like ive been back for months!
or more like, i was never away in the first place.

might have sth to do with the whole "proactive" thing ive got going on.
but im already exhausted,
n it's all yet to begin.

meeting up w frens,
crazy, long, crazy a couple more time nights,
dance, work, teaching,
n of course classes n practicals.

i guess it's good in a way,
i actually kinda enjoy it,
cos it keeps me on my toes all the time,
and forces me to learn how to manage my time properly.
and forces me to not allow myself to not procrastinate.
i know ill be fine.

but like i said,
it's all yet to begin.
owh well,
gues ill just have to suck it up.

so my interviews are in late sept.
one in sydney n anotha in adelaide.
sydney's wud b during the break,
so that s good,
thinking of jst goin there for a couple of days extra,
since ive gotta pay for d flights anw,
n since the girl wans to come along as well.

im really nervous.
about the interviews,
ive attended many interviews before,
for work, for societies, etc.
but this is diff.
it s a diff kind of interview,
that ive nvr encountered before.
n im stuck in a do or die situation.
so, im thinking i shud take the workshop.
cos ive come this far,
it ll b a real waste n shame to hv dropped out here.
it's not that i dnt hv confidence in myself.
n if there s only one thing i can do, is talk.
that much im sure ull agree.
but i just want to be as prepared as i can be.

it's not fun having to make so many decisions,
that can alter the life of your course ,
in all aspects,
personally, career-wise, and socially even,
in such a short period of time.
it's not even funny.

i guess ill manage.
somehow.