happy endings are just the beginning of yet another tragedy.

you told me to think about it.
and i have.

ive given u my answer,
n u told me to think about it more.
n so i did.

you said we are forever.
but i think, you dont know what forever means.
we're much too young to use the word forever,
there s too much out there we dnt even kno abt,
to say that we are forever.

those beautiful words u used,
i kno u mean it,
but ill tell u now,
its a lie ure tellin me n even yourself,
a lie.
that u dont even know ure making.
a promise,
that u dont even know u can keep.
those three words,
are only to be used,
when truly meant,
maybe u do now,
n id like to believe so.
but please just think again

i admit,
there are times,
i wish im with u,
on those cold, lonely nights,
on those grim, gloomy days,
when everyth is falling apart,
even on days when everyth's falling into place,
its u i wana share d good news with.
i do, i did,
i always did wish we were together.

but the truth is,
we all know,
how it's going to end.
n i cant bear the thought of hurting,
yet another one.
n to have to go through it once again,
i dont think i can,
n i care too great a deal for you,
so i wouldn't want you to.

yes, it would be great while it lasts.
but after that,
only the pain is left.
n just the thought of it is unbearable.

the only one certain thing is,
i wont be here anymore next year.
maybe back home, maybe in a whole other country,
but definitely,
we wont get to see each other anymore.

this hurts,
but it ll only be worse later on,
when everyth arnd starts reminding me of u.

i wish things were different.
i wish we could be together.
n im not going to pretend this is easy for me,
but the reality is,
it is what it is.
and there s not goin to be a happy ending in our story.

so, let's just cherish our friendship together,
create new memories,
that will forever, remain in our hearts.
so that then,
even when we're miles apart,
we ll always have each other, forever.

lights, camera, action.

when you watch tv shows,
n witness all the drama,
u sometimes wonder what it's like,
n how cool it would be to be a part of it.

but when it goes live,
in your life,
it's a whole other story.

freaky, creepy, stalker,
ghosts from the past,
ungrateful "friends" whom you thought had ur best interest at heart,
swollen eye,
information overload,
(trust me, not only study wise),
owh so long days that never seem to end,
long waits.

the week has been long.
the week has been painful,
very painful.
but ive managed to get thru it.

ive sat thru my first paper,
in such a cold, freezing room,
dressing like a fat, overdressed penguin.
the paper, was ok.
was better than expected,
jst hope the results go that way too.

ive managed to get thru all this,
it makes everyth else seem so much easier,
as if, no matter what happens next,
its not gona break me.
cos ive been thru worse.

but then again,
everytime i say that,
i wake up to anotha day, proven wrong.
so in the meantime,
im happy.

im happy that ive managed to get thru it all,
n at the end of the day,
with a new piece of blue hoodie,
owh so warm and preetty...

is fucking pissed at people who do not know common courtesy,
or know and choose not to practice it. .

is fucking pissed at people who do not respect you.

is fucking pissed at people who take u for granted and only look for u when they need a favor.

is fucking pissed at people who hang up on me.

is fucking pissed at those who do not get hints that i dont want to talk to them

is fucking pissed at people who thinks i have super high tolerance level and i can laugh at everyth. im oni human ok?

is fucking pissed at people who choose to tell you things, no one shud ever know, especially at the worst timing ever.

Fuckkkkkkkk!

sometimes i jst wish
that nothing has changed,
altho it's prob not good.
it definitely is easier.

que sera sera

three white strands,
in a day.
n many more since.
not a gud sign.

the stress is getting to me.
it's all jst to overwhelming.

but i wud hv to say a very big thank u
to all three of u .

firstly,
to u, who's been listening to me rant all day n all nite.
like literally.
n for being there, js filling out the forms,
im sorry,
but my paranoia goes a lil out of hand with admissions stuf.
so thank u.
and thank u also for being there for me that nite,
when i dint kno wat to say, n so helpless.
when i was js on d brink of breakdown.
u prob dint notice,
but the lil things u do, js being there n listening
really helps.
n im sorry for being the grump all week long.

n to the pink lil purple ping pong,
thanks to u too,
for helping me check d forms,
like i said, my paranoia, is jst a taddd out of hand.
for d lil choc frog,
dat made my week, afta being in bed for 3 whole days.
n thank u of cos for d wonderful meals n times,
cos it's more den wat i need.
thank u very much for all,
n stil helping me out even when ure swamped w work urself.

n to my other dear gal,
my deepest gratitude,
for dropping them in d box,
for othawise,
i wud hav js stood there all day n all nite,
too scared to let go.
boy, was i glad i bumped into u ...
n of cos, same goes for opening my results for me.
thank u....

these thank yous prob dont do justice n barely match up to the extent at which u guys hav all helped me,
but i kno no other way,
cos ud al prob kno,
im not very good w expressing stuff like dis
or anyth like it.
frm the bottom of my heart,
i thank u all.

n to u,
if nth else, i believe in karma,
good or bad,
it's as simple as dat,
n frm where im standing,
ive oni seen u do good things for others,
in fact, not js random acts of kindness,
but uve changed lives,
uve definitely changed mine,
for uve saved me.
literally,
cos if it werent for u, i wudnt b able to write this to u.

que sera sera,
whateva wil b, wil be.
the future's not ours to see,
que sera sera.

in the meantime,
all we can do is hope and believe and pray.
i believe that wonders are coming your way.
in the meantime, ill always be here for u ,
like u always hav been for me.