how are you?

three very common words,
often said after the casual hello,
n followed by a response, along the lines of "I'm good, thank you and you?"

but really,
do we mean it when we spell out these words?
do we believe when the other says it's all good, everyth's fine when there are 1000 different things running thru his/her mind?
y do we ask it?

maybe small talk,
maybe it's become a habit,
i dont know,
i dont hv anyth against it,
i say it al the time,
but after a really bad day,
n i meet a casual friend hu asks you,
how are you?
what can you say, but I'm fine.

ok,
im rambling and emo-ing,
cos as of rite now,
i can think of so many diff reasons contradicting what I js said to a friend of mine,
I met just 5 mins ago.

i woke up this morn, excited to go to work,
after a week off
only to find that my specs was broken,
I dnt kno wat happened,
I dnt kno how but all I kno is that it is.
So I frantically searched my drawers for a spare one,
afraid of being late for work.
Thankfully, I've got an extra pair,
but it's giving me a massive headache.

i went to work, n d lab was sooo stuffy n stinks,
cos dear, dear sebastian decided to jst clean the septic tank, simply because!
imagine rotten food left in the fridge for a week, plus sulfur smell
yup, that's hw d smell was, times 1000!!!
trust me, im not exaggerating.
all of us immediately left the lab,
cursing at sebastian.
followed by laughters of cos,
but boy! we cudnt get rid of the smell till abt noon!

i messed up the experiment,
(yes, again... well, sebastian was talkin to me, n i cudnt concentrate. well, my fault for nt stopping for awhile),
nervous, scared, overwhelmed by guilt n in disbelief that I repeated the same mistake,
here's wat my super says to calm me down,
"If it makes you feel any better, it's expected of you."
?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!

on my way home,
two words raced my mind,
n nothing else.
"I cant, I cant, I cant!"
today, Ive decided that there's no way Im gonna do research for the rest of my life.
which then occured to me,
this would b motivation enough for me to study for gamsat.

n then i was home.
consoling myself to jst put it all behind,
n prove her wrong the next day.
i opened my mailbox,
as I was abt to head for the library,
i found my corrected essays,
i did better than d previous task,
but it wasnt enough.
n after realizing the torture of working in a corner of the lab,
the stress jst keeps piling on!

as i reached d lib,
i sat down at the lawn jst outside,
to unwind jst a lil before i start wrecking my head again,
as I got up to head inside,
I stepped on some ooey, gooey thing which I think is vomit,
after cleaning it up,
I gave up.

exhausted, drained, dead beat tired,
the lift decided not to work today.
after a walk from d library,
although normally is not far,
felt like an endless road,
n d relief i felt when I reached the building's front door,
was simply crushed,
when I found out I had to walk up another 3 flights of stairs.
usually I dont mind.
but,
not today.

so here i am,
ranting and mumbling abt my horrible day,
thinking, it cannot possibly get any worse,
but, it jst mite,
afterall, the day's not over yet.

how am i? im fine, thank you.
=D