nineteen years and twelve months

i never understood the big deal everyone used to make about turning 20,
but i gues nw i understand.

anyway,

i never really liked birthdays,

cos i never really understood it,

and the idea of celebrating yourself,

never got to me.

however,

it's a very nice reminder,

that there are ppl in this world,

who do remember and care,

even when u feel all alone.

so, this is my way of saying thank you.

thank you to all of you,

who remembered my birthday,

for the calls, sms-es and msgs,
thank you for taking time off your day,

to celebrate with me,
and thank you for all the effort,

you've all put into those thoughtful gifts.

thank you for the wonderful dinner at movida,

and the random convos at kino.

also, for the book and the ring.

thank you for dinner at sawasdee,

and cake at port melb beach.

thank you jack and san for the lovely gifts,

was very sweet of you guys.

thank you audrey,

for putting in so much thought and time,

into making the scrapbook for me.

thank you shree and sonika, for coffee, and these lovely gifts.




and thank you khee wei, for this embarassing yet awesome video, for the song, oh, and movies toO!

and speaking of movies, thank you colleen, for new moon. =D

thank you all... !

with everything that's happened this past couple of weeks,
never have i felt this helpless before.
never have i cried this much,
never have i found it this hard to force a smile.

and i dont know who to turn to,
and what to do.

chameleon

if i were to build a tree house up that tall tree by the lake,
and hide out there.

if i were to dive down to the bottom of the sea,
duck behind the corals and camouflage.

if i were to be invisible and unseen,
like a chameleon that changes its color with the background.

what would it be like,
if i were?

just random thoughts i got ,
while i was walkin arnd the gardens today,
dont really wish to be invisible,
but cant help but wonder how diff life wud be.
good? bad? i dont kno.

are you truly happy?

picture puzzle piece

its 4.30am, and i cant sleep.
i didnt wana start watchin anymore tv series,
so i was just reading some poems.

i love poems,
the wordplay,
the symbolism and hidden meanings,
they're so beautiful.

Picture Puzzle Piece by Shel Silverstein

One picture puzzle piece
Lyin' on the sidewalk,
One picture puzzle piece
Soakin' in the rain.
It might be a button of blue
On the coat of the woman
Who lived in a shoe.
It might be a magical bean,
Or a fold in the redVelvet robe of a queen.
It might be the one little biteOf the apple her stepmother
Gave to Snow White.
It might be the veil of a bride
Or a bottle with some evil genie inside.
It might be a small tuft of hair
On the big bouncy belly
Of Bobo the Bear.
It might be a bit of the cloak
Of the Witch of the West
As she melted to smoke.
It might be a shadowy trace
Of a tear that runs down an angel's face.
Nothing has more possibilities
Than one old wet picture puzzle piece.

how i wish, i can one day,
write just as well.

thank you

anyone who knows me well enough,

knows how much i hate ppl who are not on time.

and the only other thing i hate more than that,

is being late myself.

so u can only imagine how annoyed i was,

when u said you were 10 mins away, 3 hours ago.

making me half an hr late

but the day started to pick up when i had lunch w the few others,
it was nice catching up,and have a few giggles.

to look back, and see how far we've come since,

i really would miss each and everyone of u.

and to you,

ive got to say thank you.

cos uve made my day.

from ur panna cotta that redefines panna cotta

and sent me straight to heaven,

to ur lil gift that makes me laugh to myself,

everytime i read it.

i really do hope that you'll get the epiphany,
or enlightenment, or wtv it is, it's called.
but im sure u will, when u least expect it.

just like, how one day, ill actually start cooking proper food,

and not burn them. =p

for now,

no senseless rhymes, no stupid jokes,

but just these two words,

from me to you.

thank you.

=D

and btw, this is what happens,
when im just too lazy to go out,

n we're just a lil bit too moh lieu.

at 3

for the first time,

ever since i can rmb,

i woke up at 3pm today.

i gues,

its all starting to catch up w me.

even after exams havent been gettin much sleep.

from all the errands,

doctor's appointments,

police checks, packing,

to administration stuffs, etc etc.

and of cos, catchin up w frens.

(and being addicted to prison break, doesnt really help either =p)

Only half of the notes from the past 3 yrs.

i watched kurbaan the other day,

an indian movie which was 3 hrs long.

to my surprise, it wasnt the typical bollywood movie

but more of a serious controversial one,

with a 10 min intermission.
(which i was very amused by)

then headed down to edithvale beach,

gettin dragged into the sea a couple of hours,

after gettin 4 injections in 5 mins, was just painfuL!
but it was heaps of fun, anyhus

they then decided to hv a feast by the beach,

which was jst hilarious.

our tummies definitely got a good work out from all the laughing

also metup w the srikl peeps for lunch at sawasdee,
and threw frisbee arnd at the gaol,

i then met up w colleen,

to head for kim's party.

we arrived pretty late,

but left early to go to the club.

i was dead beat by then.

and and i finally did my first aid training ytd,

was expecting it to b boring,

but it was actually very interesting,
learnt CPR and DRAPCD, among other things.

the lady who gave the class,

was a nurse, who had been through a fair bit,

and listening to the stories shes had to tell,

was really very thrilling.

however, everytime i step out nw,
i get this image in my head that sumone mite just collapse right in front of me.

maureen, a girl who was in the same session as i was,

asked, do u think u wud help out a person in need now that ure qualified?

it really got me thinking.

sayin u would, doesnt mean u actually would.

wud i be confident enuf? or wud i panic?

i really hope i wouldnt freeze.

more importantly,

i hope no one would have to need help.

well, it sure has been one hell of a week,

but as of now,
i feel like a newborn baby,

after having a very lazy sunday.

=D

of letting go

you were just a distant memory,

a fictional character in the story of my life,
an accessory to my past.

but you became real again,

when you sat across from me,

it's all real

and you will always be a part of me.

that's because,

you've changed who i am.

i dont believe in things that i used to,
ive become cynical, and independent,

and im not as naive as i used to be,

i've changed.

sometimes, i dont know whether to thank you,

or to blame you.

but now, we've said our goodbyes for good.

and all i can do is wish you well,

and leave it all behind,

and let go.

so,

as katie herzig sorts of sings it,

I want to wish you well,

I didnt watch you go,

cause i suppose i dont know how

I will remember you,

Not the way you left,

but what you knew.

Ill find my way cause you showed me how.

I want to wish you well.

you gave me this card, i stumbled across it in a box under my bed, after the longest time.

and speaking of letting go,

ive finally started sorting my clothes out,

and found myself constantly taking back clothes,

from the "giveaway/throw" pile back to the "keep" pile.

what was left of the giveaway/throw pile.

i dnt wear most of them anymore.

but,

im having trouble letting go.

dreams, grey and railway engines.

i had to say goodbye today
to one of my oldest frens in melb.

it was the first of many to come.

despite it all,
all the dramas, stories, and awkward bumps,
i think i will miss him.
i didnt think i will,
cos we ve grown apart over time,
but i was shocked myself,
when we said goodbye,
n i found myself saying,
ive gotta go, im late in meeting another fren,
simply bcos i was starting to well up
and needed an excuse to rush off.

ive always known that it was all abt to be very diff,
but it dint really hit me till friday,
when it all seemed more real,
now that im heading to canberra,
n not either canberra, sydney, or adelaide.

anyway,
ytd evening,
i decided to take a train down,
to meet a fren's newborn sister.
she s the cutest thing!
i hung arnd for awhile,
for some rnb, movie, dj heroes n uno,
it was heaps of fun.

but suddenly, the wave of emotions struck me,
when i got a call frm him hu was leaving tonite,
that life as i knew it was abt to come to an end.

i cant be alone for an evening without getting depressed.
how am i going to survive the first week or month,
or however long it takes for me to adapt.

maybe im being overly melodramatic.
ive been told that i tend to get overly emotional when things change.
and also that i am a drama queen.
well, i hope so.
maybe it ll be better than i can ever imagine it to be.

gahhhhh.
sorry im rambling again,
im bored.

splashes of paint

was sortin some of my stuffs,

and i came across some things that ive totally forgotten about.

i found my old book in which i used to paint,


when i had a lot of things on my mind.

dont think it ll be very practical for me to lug it home,


along with a gazillion other things ive got.


but i feel kinda sad abt throwing them away too.

these are a couple i painted tonight,

cos i got a lil bored of the packing and sorting.

so ive decided to take sum photos of it,

so that ill still sorta hav it.

and post them up here.

its no picasso,

nowhere near it,

just random splashes of paint,

that never fails to take my mind off things.

and so, here they are.