Why am I putting myself through all this!!
Yes, passion, but it only goes so far when you have to find the motivation to wake up before dawn every morning, to have to turn up to a place where no one wants you to be there and makes it perfectly clear but you have no choice but to stick it out!
If there's anything Ive learnt, it's to be bloody thick-skinned!!!
July 26, 2012
August 10, 2011
June 26, 2011
April 10, 2011
March 24, 2011
I find myself only going to this site when I feel like Ive reached a dead end.
And I guess that's why I'm back here once again.
Am I tired? Yes.
Am I scared to death? Yes
Am I sick of all this high school drama? Like you'd never believe
And to make things worse, I feel like I cant talk to anyone here, cos everyone has their reason for wanting to be your friend or shall I say, to be there for you? It's just so that you'd owe them back for doin something nice. And once that whole trade off is over, it's back to the back stabbing and bad mouthing.
You say, Ive gone boring and serious. No I havent, Im still the same old person, I always was. It's just that I choose not to hang out with all of you anymore, cos Ive worked it all out. Im not naive anymore. Ive learnt my lesson, and this is me saying what you've all always asked me to do, say "NO!"
So Im saying no, to you using me, throwing me away like a piece of toilet paper, and then talking bad shit about me after. Im done with the lot of you. It's sad, really. We're supposed to be the ones to take care of others, but we cant even take care of each other. I suppose it's cos everyone is too busy stepping on the other to get ahead.
There's no winning here. I dont know what to do. So this is me giving up, and I came all the way here for medicine, and medicine alone. So hello and goodbye!
And I guess that's why I'm back here once again.
Am I tired? Yes.
Am I scared to death? Yes
Am I sick of all this high school drama? Like you'd never believe
And to make things worse, I feel like I cant talk to anyone here, cos everyone has their reason for wanting to be your friend or shall I say, to be there for you? It's just so that you'd owe them back for doin something nice. And once that whole trade off is over, it's back to the back stabbing and bad mouthing.
You say, Ive gone boring and serious. No I havent, Im still the same old person, I always was. It's just that I choose not to hang out with all of you anymore, cos Ive worked it all out. Im not naive anymore. Ive learnt my lesson, and this is me saying what you've all always asked me to do, say "NO!"
So Im saying no, to you using me, throwing me away like a piece of toilet paper, and then talking bad shit about me after. Im done with the lot of you. It's sad, really. We're supposed to be the ones to take care of others, but we cant even take care of each other. I suppose it's cos everyone is too busy stepping on the other to get ahead.
There's no winning here. I dont know what to do. So this is me giving up, and I came all the way here for medicine, and medicine alone. So hello and goodbye!
January 1, 2011
out with the old, and in with the new
2010, the year that was....
as the clock striked 12,
there was only one thing on my mind.
thank fuck 2010 is over.
2010, the year that was...
like an oh-so-long nightmare that you just cant seem to wake up from, and when you do, it just keeps recurring.
so much has happened, and they have changed me.
i know that for a fact, that it would be difficult for me to become the same person that i was. for the better or worse, I wouldnt know. How about you tell me?
can i just leave them all behind, and pretend it all never happened? can i just start fresh
December 8, 2010
it's been a really long time since,
i just sat down, and dont know what to do.
im feeling,
a little bit of this, and a little bit of that.
on the one hand,
im really glad to be back home, with the family,
away from med school and canberra, even just for awhile.
my wonderful parents had thrown me such a wonderful birthday celebration,
with the sweetest, most amazing gift,
when really,
all i wanted for my 21st,
was to see them again.
i realised last night,
how very truly blessed i am,
with friends in canberra, melbourne, msia, no matter where i am,
who will always have my back.
and it doesnt stop at a fb msg once a year,
it's just more than that.
November 16, 2010
October 24, 2010
October 4, 2010
'cos i'm just a little bit tired.
im tired of all ur stories,
listening to u whinge n whine,
abt sth that is so petty.
im tired of all ur bullcrap,
treating others like shit with absolutely no respect for anyone,
and not good enough for u.
cos u kno y,
ure even more pathetic than anyone i kno.
u walk around as if u own the world,
but u kno, the world is against u,
but cos i feel sorry for u, i stick around and i stand up for u,
even when everyone, yes everyone is tellin me to stay away from u.
im tired of being the shoulder to cry on,
for all of u,
listening to all ur sob stories,
which really, is nt all that sad,
bcos, mind u, there are ppl worse off than u.
that's y we're al in this course,
i tot all of u wud kno better,
but i guess not.
crying over little petty things,
oh grow up!
ure all like close to a decade older than me,
yet im the one givin u advice.
n at the same time, ure all judging me saying im too young
to be good enough.
erm, fuck you!
at least i dnt cry over being a lecture behind,
or cos i usually get to go home every weekned but not this weekend.
or cos my bf doesnt call me.
fuck you, i only get to see my family once a year,
yet i dnt complain about it all the time
altho i miss damn like crazy
just suck it up n harden uP!
and besides,
where r u when i need u?
not one of u sons of bitches.
n u say ure my frens.
erm.. if u kno al the complicated medical terms,
it's just a wee bit sad,
if u dont kno the simple definition of a friend
Im tired of all the backstabbing
and false pretenses and lies.
ladies and gentlemen,
newsflash: we're not in high school anymore.
please wake up,
step out of ur little fantasy
and back into reality,
thank you very much.
im tired of all ur stories,
listening to u whinge n whine,
abt sth that is so petty.
im tired of all ur bullcrap,
treating others like shit with absolutely no respect for anyone,
and not good enough for u.
cos u kno y,
ure even more pathetic than anyone i kno.
u walk around as if u own the world,
but u kno, the world is against u,
but cos i feel sorry for u, i stick around and i stand up for u,
even when everyone, yes everyone is tellin me to stay away from u.
im tired of being the shoulder to cry on,
for all of u,
listening to all ur sob stories,
which really, is nt all that sad,
bcos, mind u, there are ppl worse off than u.
that's y we're al in this course,
i tot all of u wud kno better,
but i guess not.
crying over little petty things,
oh grow up!
ure all like close to a decade older than me,
yet im the one givin u advice.
n at the same time, ure all judging me saying im too young
to be good enough.
erm, fuck you!
at least i dnt cry over being a lecture behind,
or cos i usually get to go home every weekned but not this weekend.
or cos my bf doesnt call me.
fuck you, i only get to see my family once a year,
yet i dnt complain about it all the time
altho i miss damn like crazy
just suck it up n harden uP!
and besides,
where r u when i need u?
not one of u sons of bitches.
n u say ure my frens.
erm.. if u kno al the complicated medical terms,
it's just a wee bit sad,
if u dont kno the simple definition of a friend
Im tired of all the backstabbing
and false pretenses and lies.
ladies and gentlemen,
newsflash: we're not in high school anymore.
please wake up,
step out of ur little fantasy
and back into reality,
thank you very much.
September 28, 2010
they come in threes
Red Week, Red Party,
Companion House,
Trip to Wollongong,
Things to organise in the next 2 weeks.
PAL Paper,
Prac Exam,
Ethics Application for Research Project,
All due in 2 weeks time.
I can now, literally say, there's not nearly enough hours in the day.
Plus,
The 3 people Ive gotten closest to since I moved to Canberra,
Really have shown that you are truly on your own in this world.
Well, you know what they say,
they all come in threes.
How am I going to survive the next two weeks,
I dont know.
Companion House,
Trip to Wollongong,
Things to organise in the next 2 weeks.
PAL Paper,
Prac Exam,
Ethics Application for Research Project,
All due in 2 weeks time.
I can now, literally say, there's not nearly enough hours in the day.
Plus,
The 3 people Ive gotten closest to since I moved to Canberra,
Really have shown that you are truly on your own in this world.
Well, you know what they say,
they all come in threes.
How am I going to survive the next two weeks,
I dont know.
September 7, 2010
June 15, 2010
June 14, 2010
just a little bit longer.
cos it's been awhile since ive blogged.
i truly apologise,
but it's simply cos,
we had an assignment,
that basically required us to "blog" if i may say so.
so now that that's been handed in,
i shall resume my rants here.....
so its been a hell of 3 months,
the first half is almost coming to an end.
it's gone by pretty damn fast,
n so much has happened! i dnt even kno where to start
but all i can say is,
ive made sum really good frens since ive been here,
n i hav no idea hw to repay them.
im, oh so grateful.
its been a pretty rough week,
with all that s been happening,
it felt almost as tho sumone s stabbed me numerous times,
revived me, jst so they cud stab me summore.
but sth happened today,
n all i can say is,
when u think that life's throwing u all kinds of shit,
n u dun even kno where to start pickin urself up,
just hold on a lil longer,
cos sth even better is jst waiting for u arnd the corner.
i really do believe, there s only a finite amount of bad for a person.
so pretty soon that will run out,
n it ll b all uphill frm there.
optimistic? perhaps. but it's true.
i truly apologise,
but it's simply cos,
we had an assignment,
that basically required us to "blog" if i may say so.
so now that that's been handed in,
i shall resume my rants here.....
so its been a hell of 3 months,
the first half is almost coming to an end.
it's gone by pretty damn fast,
n so much has happened! i dnt even kno where to start
but all i can say is,
ive made sum really good frens since ive been here,
n i hav no idea hw to repay them.
im, oh so grateful.
its been a pretty rough week,
with all that s been happening,
it felt almost as tho sumone s stabbed me numerous times,
revived me, jst so they cud stab me summore.
but sth happened today,
n all i can say is,
when u think that life's throwing u all kinds of shit,
n u dun even kno where to start pickin urself up,
just hold on a lil longer,
cos sth even better is jst waiting for u arnd the corner.
i really do believe, there s only a finite amount of bad for a person.
so pretty soon that will run out,
n it ll b all uphill frm there.
optimistic? perhaps. but it's true.
February 15, 2010
February 14, 2010
a new lease
ive survived 10 days without internet..
well, i had my iphone, so does it count?
its only been a little over a week,
but so much has happened since.
a new surrounding,
a new lifestyle,
new friends and basically, everything.
ive got to admit,
the first few days were hard.
getting lost, unfamiliar with the ways of the locals here,
without being able to call someone i already know,
to ask for help.
but eventually,
it all turned out pretty well.
n ive gotta say,
if nth else,
just smile.
ull be surprised how far a smile can take u.
we've had scavenger hunts, drinks,
lawn bowling,
speed dating,
trivia games,
karaoke,
pub crawling,
just to name the main ones.
tiring, but fun nonetheless,
met really interesting people over the week,
all from very different backgrounds,
but somehow,
we can all get along just fine.
maybe cos there r only 98 of us,
oh, n of those, only 2 are internationalll!!
meeepsss.
im excited to be given these new lease.
to start all over again.
so much to learn, both academically and socially and culturally.
even the lectures have been really very intriguing.
cant wait for toga night,
moonlight cinema,
n street partyyyyy!
before the tough stuff begins!
weeeeeeee....
well, i had my iphone, so does it count?
its only been a little over a week,
but so much has happened since.
a new surrounding,
a new lifestyle,
new friends and basically, everything.
ive got to admit,
the first few days were hard.
getting lost, unfamiliar with the ways of the locals here,
without being able to call someone i already know,
to ask for help.
but eventually,
it all turned out pretty well.
n ive gotta say,
if nth else,
just smile.
ull be surprised how far a smile can take u.
we've had scavenger hunts, drinks,
lawn bowling,
speed dating,
trivia games,
karaoke,
pub crawling,
just to name the main ones.
tiring, but fun nonetheless,
met really interesting people over the week,
all from very different backgrounds,
but somehow,
we can all get along just fine.
maybe cos there r only 98 of us,
oh, n of those, only 2 are internationalll!!
meeepsss.
im excited to be given these new lease.
to start all over again.
so much to learn, both academically and socially and culturally.
even the lectures have been really very intriguing.
cant wait for toga night,
moonlight cinema,
n street partyyyyy!
before the tough stuff begins!
weeeeeeee....
February 3, 2010
January 28, 2010
deja vu
ive got this really funny feeling.
it's a little odd,
but not unfamiliar.
the uncanny mix of
fear, anxiety, and excitement
it's actually happening,
and a lil sooner than id wished for it to be,
cos id hate to have to leave home.
the uncertainty is killing me.
stepping onto a foreign land,
not knowing anyone there,
no one i can call to say im here!
no one waiting for me near my room.
ive had this feeling before,
it's really very unsettling.
always at the back of your head.
and there's nth i can do abt it jst yet.
to make it temporarily stop bothering me,
i keep telling myself that,
i was only 16 when i first stepped foot on melb,
n did the whole thing from scratch.
it wasnt all too bad.
and now, hopefully, im a lil wiser n matured (or am i?).
it'll be easier.
i dnt know.
i gues only time will tell.
it really is,
a whole new world.
it's a little odd,
but not unfamiliar.
the uncanny mix of
fear, anxiety, and excitement
it's actually happening,
and a lil sooner than id wished for it to be,
cos id hate to have to leave home.
the uncertainty is killing me.
stepping onto a foreign land,
not knowing anyone there,
no one i can call to say im here!
no one waiting for me near my room.
ive had this feeling before,
it's really very unsettling.
always at the back of your head.
and there's nth i can do abt it jst yet.
to make it temporarily stop bothering me,
i keep telling myself that,
i was only 16 when i first stepped foot on melb,
n did the whole thing from scratch.
it wasnt all too bad.
and now, hopefully, im a lil wiser n matured (or am i?).
it'll be easier.
i dnt know.
i gues only time will tell.
it really is,
a whole new world.
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